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BDSM 101: The basics!

Updated: Mar 25

Let's start with what BDSM means. You cant get more basic than that.


BDSM is an acronym for Bondage and Discipline (B&D), Dominance and Submission (D&S), and Sadism and Masochism (S&M). BDSM can incorporate any or all of these in your kinky journey. I'll take you through each briefly.


Bondage: the practice of consensually tying, binding, or restraining a partner for erotic, aesthetic, or somatosensory stimulation. For the submissive, the act of being restrained bring a feeling of vulnerability, helplessness, and a surrendering to the Dominant that is highly erotic and pleasurable to them. For the Dominant, the act of restraining a submissive brings about feelings of power over them. Having a submissive rendered vulnerable to your whims and desires is highly erotic.


Discipline: In its most basic form, discipline is correcting undesirable behavior. Many BDSM relationships have rules, protocols, and rituals set up for the submissive to follow. What do you do when they are not followed? Punishments are put in place as a consequence of bad behaviors within the limits that have been established. In my opinion, its just as important to reward good behavior (it's the psychology education in me). No sub is perfect so correction will be needed for time to time. If, you want to successfully shape your sub's behavior to what you desire, punish bad behavior and reward good behavior. Psychology 101 shit right there.


Dominance: In short, one person (the Dominant) takes control of another (the submissive). This can be either temporary, such as only during a play scene or it can become a permanent part of a couples lifestyle. Dominance over another must always be with the consent of the submissive and keeping safety in mind at all times.


Submission: Submitting to the will of another is an erotic and fulfilling experience for many. It can bring about a sense of purpose, freedom, and -selflessness. When a submissive agrees to hand over control, they put their trust in the Dominant to make decisions, exert their will, and above all, do so in a sane responsible manner. The gift of submission should not be taken lightly or for granted.


Sadism: to derive pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on others. Sadism is one of the more misunderstood aspects of BDSM in the vanilla world. Many think of it as abuse disguised as a kink lifestyle. When done in a consensual, safe arrangement, S & M brings pleasure to both the Dominant and the submissive who craves the suffering inflicted. Again, Safe, Sane, and Consensual is the key component in a healthy BDSM experience.


Masochism: the tendency to derive pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from one's own pain or humiliation. It's the "Yang" to sadism's "Yin". Or something like that. The masochist willingly craves the pain and suffering brought by the sadist. The main thing to keep in mind as a masochist is to know your limits. How much is too much? The masochistic submissive sets the limits that must be respected by the Dominant. Crossing those limits without consent brings BDSM from a healthy pleasurable experience into the realm of abuse and mistrust.


The ways to experience BDSM varies as much as the people who practice it. Some do it "only in the bedroom". Others have made it a permanent part of their everyday life. Some let their freak flag fly proudly and loudly while others make it a much more private part of their lives.


How you choose to live the BDSM life is entirely up to you!





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