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Your First Dungeon Experience: What to Expect.

Updated: Mar 25

So you've decided you are ready to venture into the kinky world of a BDSM dungeon! Whether you're a Dominant or submissive, the first time you attend a public dungeon can be an intimidating experience. Will people stare at the newbie? Will you be expected to play?

Maybe you have done some research and have read what goes on but until you have been to an actual dungeon, you won't know what to expect. While BDSM dungeons vary from one to the other, I hope to give you a basic idea of what a typical dungeon experience will be like.


All public dungeons have some form of a vetting process. The most basic is checking your ID to make sure you are of legal age. Usually, this is 18 but some dungeons only allow people 21 and over to attend especially if alcohol is allowed.

A lot of dungeons will also require a background check to keep sex offenders and those with certain felonies out. Other dungeons may require an active member to vouch for you. If a dungeon does have a membership, you may have to become a member to attend some events or attend as a guest of another member.

However the dungeon leaders choose to vet people, they should always respect your privacy by keeping your information private. Your name, address, etc, should not be made available to the general membership. If they don't provide you with information about their privacy policy, you should ask. If they refuse, perhaps rethink attending that particular dungeon.

Event Check-In

Before you can enter the dungeon, you will need to check in. This may vary but usually requires you to show an ID and pay any entrance fees. Assuming you have been vetted or are a guest of a member, this is a quick process to make sure you are allowed to be there. Dungeons cost money so expect to pay a fee to attend most events. Also, be prepared to pay cash as some dungeons don't accept credit cards or checks.

Most dungeons will have made you aware of the check-in process and fees. If not, they won't be offended if you ask. It's better to be prepared than surprised when you get there.


Dungeons typically offer some kind of orientation for new people. This usually allows you to look around the dungeon to see what it offers and most likely goes through the dungeon rules. It may take place on certain days of the month or by request.

If the dungeon doesn't normally have an orientation or tour, you can always ask on the day of the event for someone to show you around. They almost always have a dungeon monitor that enforces the rules and makes sure everyone is playing safe. If they aren't too busy, they are usually willing to show new people the basic equipment and go through the rules. Most dungeons will also have a list of rules posted near the dungeon entrance or on a website if they have one.

The Social Area

This is an area for umm, Socializing. Kinky people love to socialize! Usually, kinky play is limited in this area and most dungeons have them. There is no pressure to do anything but get to know others. A lot of dungeons don't allow alcohol especially if you plan to play in the dungeon. Some will allow it in the social area in moderation. Impaired individuals are normally asked to leave as it is not safe to play while intoxicated.

Many people will spend most of their time just socializing with fellow kinksters. Food and non-alcoholic drinks are usually available at most dungeon events though this varies.

The Play Area

The BDSM play area may be one big room or several rooms that are equipped with BDSM furniture, tables, or racks of all types of toys for public use. There will be a dungeon monitor in the area to make sure everyone follows the rules.

Unless a play area is posted as "private", you are generally allowed to enter and observe as you see fit. Be courteous and respectful, and do not interrupt a play session. Also, keep your voice low so those at play aren't distracted. Avoid making comments to those who are playing unless they invite you to. If you are curious about or want to chat with someone playing, you can always try to find and approach them in the social area afterward.

If you are playing, follow the rules and make sure you play safe. Always clean any equipment or toys you may use. They should have products for cleaning up. Ask the dungeon monitor if you weren't told where to find them. Have fun!

Aftercare Area

There may or may not be a dedicated aftercare area for winding down and taking care of your post-play needs. If not, you can usually find a quiet corner of the social area if needed. If first aid is necessary, there should be some available here. Ask if you don't know where it can be found.

To Play or Not to Play?

What you do at your first dungeon experience is entirely up to you. Socialize all night or get naked and get your freak on. There shouldn't be any pressure from others to do anything you don't want to do. If someone does make you feel uncomfortable, let someone in charge know. Everyone wants to feel welcome and comfortable in their dungeon. Most of all have fun, meet new people, and enjoy the experience.

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